


Your Stain On My Skin

by GryffindorGirl94



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Bad ones at that, Basically just crack, Domestic Avengers, Everyone’s alive, F/M, How do i even tag this crap, I know Harley Kenner’s not Iron Lad but he is here, M/M, Multi, Sex Related Jokes, Superhusbands (Marvel), and Bucky - Freeform, and a family, and happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-21
Updated: 2019-08-21
Packaged: 2020-09-23 05:02:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20334502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GryffindorGirl94/pseuds/GryffindorGirl94
Summary: The one where all the Avengers get hit by some strange curse and it leads to some interesting revelations about their sex lives. (Basically just crack. Don’t take it seriously.)





	Your Stain On My Skin

**Author's Note:**

> I had a dream about Steve Rogers’s sperm being red white and blue and then this happened. I’m sorry.

The first ones to realize were, naturally, Steve and Bucky. 

Their morning routine consisted of getting up at 5 am sharp to have a quick breakfast and then hit the compound’s gym before everyone else was even awake. It was a bit extreme, but as super soldiers they had a lot of energy to burn from an early hour, so it made sense for them to do it.

They were currently cramped up in their bathroom, adjacent to Steve’s room, sleepily brushing their teeth, both their heads a mess of bed hair and their eyes semi closed still. 

Things didn’t used to be this way, though.

Steve and Tony had been happily married by the time Bucky had miraculously turned out to be alive and looking for his old lover and former best friend. It’d been extremely difficult, at first, what with Bucky thinking him and Steve could maybe pick up where they’d let off and being completely clueless about the fact his (ex?) boyfriend was already married to somebody else. 

And he was right, technically, all Bucky remembered was their life back in Brooklyn, 1934, them sharing an apartment and being each other’s first love, first relationship, first everything. He’d been heartbroken when Steve had told them, and he’d put as much distance between them as he could, not wanting to intrude in his best guy’s happy marriage.

It hadn’t been easy, at first. Bucky obviously didn’t want to impose, or get between the happily married couple, but after a thousand late night conversations accompanied by unhealthy amounts of whiskey (or coffee, on Steve’s case, he didn’t bother with alcohol), a lot of money and time spent into marriage counseling and a couple fist fights (Bucky could be stubborn, but he was no match to Steve ICanDoThisAllDay Rogers) the three of them had decided to give the poly amorous relationship a shot. 

It’d been working surprisingly well, so far, and Steve was happier than he could’ve ever hope to be. He thought he’d lost his chance at true love after waking up in a world that wasn’t his, and finding out Bucky was long gone. Tony had been an unexpected blessing, a new chance at happiness Steve never thought he’d get. Bucky and Tony had been awkward around each other at first, but after a while they’d learned to coexist decently, and... other things. Let’s just say they’d gotten to know each other  _very_ well indeed.

Suddenly, Bucky jumped, startling Steve, who dropped his foam covered toothbrush and was instantly turning around to ask him if something was wrong.

“Steve.” Was all Bucky said, voice sounding a little panicked and also strangely... amused? It was now, staring at his boyfriend’s face, that he understood what had caused him to jump like that.

The brunette’s lips and cheeks were stained in what seemed like paint, white, red and blue paint, specifically. 

The stains were irregular and randomly placed, and Steve immediately rubbed one of them with his finger to check if they were painted on or if they were permanent. Looking down, he realized both of his boyfriend’s hands were stained with the same three colors too, although there was also a bit of red and gold interlaced around his fingers.

“What the hell, Stevie?” Bucky laughed, shrugging off the blonde’s hands and heading towards the banister, splashing water all over his face and trying, in vain, to wash the colorful splatters off. 

“You might want to check your own face too, pal.” He suggested, pointing at Steve’s face and stepping aside to let him take a look at it in the sink mirror.

“My face? What do you m- Oh my god!” Indeed, Steve’s face was stained too, albeit a bit differently than Bucky’s.

His cheeks, nose, and lips were covered in bright red, gold and silver stains, and they took up almost his entire face.

His hands had splotches of the same three colors, too, with the addition of a rusty-red shade, he realized as he looked down on himself. 

The formless splashes of rusty-red and silver were less noticeable, but still very much present, as were Bucky’s golden ones.

“Why do we have random paint stains? And why can’t we wash them off?” He looked at Bucky for answers but his boyfriend looked as lost as he was. 

“I’ve got no idea, but it could be some sort of curse, or spell, maybe? Didn’t we fought that weird black warlock a few days ago?” Bucky scratched the back of his neck, deep in thought.

“We did, but why would he curse us with this? It’s a bit weird and annoying, sure, but other than that I don’t see how this could be of real harm.” He reflected, checking himself in the mirror again. 

Weren’t gold, red and silver the colors of...

“Stevie, i think I know what’s going on. Can’t believe I missed it, white red and blue, whose colors are those? And then the red and gold on both of us, definitely Tony’s.” Bucky interrupted his train of thought only to further confirm Steve’s realization.

“And red and silver, they’re the colors of your metal arm. Okay so, those are my colors on your body, and yours on mine. And Tony’s, on both of us, but what do they mean?”

“And the random stains...” Bucky’s face lit up with recognition and a smirk appeared, making Steve stare at him in confusion.

“What?” He inquired.

“I think i know what this is about. Pull down your pants.” He ordered, stepping closer to Steve.

“Hm, Buck, not that I mind, but weren’t we supposed to be figuring this out?” He stuttered, a blush creeping up his neck at Bucky’s proposal.

“I didn’t mean it like that, punk. I’m not gonna touch you, i just want to know if i’m right about this.” He reassured.

Steve frowned but pulled down his pants, never one to question Bucky’s orders.

“Turn around.” The blonde’s blush intensified but he complied, and a second later he felt Bucky’s hands on his boxers, pulling them down slightly.

Bucky made an affirmative sound.

“Now turn back around and look at your stomach.” He ordered again.

Steve obeyed, and gasped. His abs were colored red and gold, the splotches looking more like brush strokes than random stains in that area. 

“Hey! What are you laughing at?” He turned around and crossed his arms, staring disapprovingly at his boyfriend.

“I’m sorry doll, i wasn’t laughing at you, i swear. But i was right, the stains were not random, and i think i know what they represent.” Bucky’s laugh had faded away, but he still wore an amused smirk on his handsome face. 

Steve was at a loss.

“Do explain yourself, then, please.” The blonde resembled a confused puppy, and it was so endearing Bucky wanted to kiss him. 

He refrained from doing so, crossing his arms and beginning to explain the nature of the curse to the other super soldier.

“Well, it seems to me that those are not random stains. They’re...” He trailed off, searching for a subtle word to describe it, but ultimately coming up short. 

“They’re jizz stains.” He affirmed, laughing internally at Steve’s cheeks, who were tinted red once again.

“What do you mean? Isn’t  it  supposed to be... well, white?” He looked so awkward, and he couldn’t even say the word “jizz”. Bucky did kiss him this time, a quick peck on the lips, before he resumed his explanation.

“Yes, i know, but what if that asshole made it so we would have permanent stains of weird colorful paint where we previously had, well, cum. And the colors represent the person who put it there. That’s why you’ve got more red and gold than i do, you and Tony have been sleeping together for a few years now, whereas i only started doing so a few months ago.” He figured being blunt was the best way to affront their current situation, but he couldn’t help but laugh at how bizarre the whole thing was. 

Way to go, Mr. Dark Wizard Asshole.

“So that means everyone will see us like this until we figure out how to break the curse!? Oh, no...” Steve’s blush had faded and he’d gone pale, blue eyes wide with mortification.

“Relax, doll. You don’t think we’ll be the only ones, do you? Besides, we’re together, and you and Tony are  married . It is to be expected.” Bucky soothed him, placing his hand under Steve’s jaw.

“I guess. Sam will still give me shit for it though, I just know it.” Steve scowled.

Bucky only laughed, grabbing him by the waist to press a kiss right on his rusty-red stained lips. 

“Let the bastard try.”

——————————————————————————————————————————— 

The common living room of the Tower was, as expected, one huge noisy mess. 

Steve hugged Tony by the waist and kissed him good morning upon arriving, while the rest of the Avengers made fake puking sounds that soon turned into gasps as Bucky stepped up to do the same. 

They were going to find out anyways, thanks to the stains, and it wasn’t like most of them didn’t know or at least suspect something was going on between the three of them already, so. 

Almost everyone was present, and they were all collectively discussing the matter at hand as they ate diverse breakfast food. Rather loudly, too, one might say. 

“I just can’t believe he’d do this. Honestly, what’s the point? Asshole was not even smart enough to think of something actually harmful.” Clint grunted as he rubbed his eyes in frustration, silver stained fingers a stark contrast against his tan skin. His whole mouth and cheeks were stained with the same color too, but he didn’t seem too concerned about it. 

Typical Clint.

“Maybe for you, it’s not. You’re shameless. I for a start didn’t want the whole building to find out who i’m fucking.” Natasha said through clenched teeth. 

She wasn’t embarrassed, obviously, but there was a redness to her cheeks that wasn’t usually there. No one would dare to call her out on it, though, not if they wanted to keep their genitals attached to their bodies.

She wasn’t the worst one, either. Not by a long shot. Whereas Steve, Bucky and Tony looked like they’d showered in paint, she had modest dark-green colored stains on both her hands and, oddly enough, the top of her nose. 

“Give it up, Nat. We all knew about you and Brucey anyways. You might be sneaky as hell, but my dear friend isn’t.” Tony said with a smug smile plastered on his face. Being one of the very few people with the capacity to tease her and live to tell the story, he obviously had to make one of it while he could.

“Like you’re one to talk, Stark. You look like the American flag puked all over you. And don’t even get me started of those winter-y stains.” Clint smirked, dodging the donut Tony threw at his head as he laughed at his own joke.

Tony was a mess of red white and blue indeed, the colors covering nearly his entire face and hands and disappearing underneath his skin-tight undersuit, getting mixed up with the smaller splotches of silver and rusty-red that were also present.

Meanwhile, Bruce had turned a bright red color and was looking down as if to hide his face, although that action made little to no difference, the inky-black stains plastered all around his mouth and fingers as incriminating as a big neon sign reading “I slept with the Black Widow” would be.

“I wonder what’s taking the Baby Avengers so long. They should be here by now. Although i don’t think they’ll be affected by this, uh... problem.” Steve pointed out, referring to Peter and Harley. 

Tony’d given them that name, obviously, because “_they’re my protégés and i can and will give them ridiculous nicknames if i want to_.” Steve would definitely call him childish for that one. Not that he cared.

“Yeah, i bet Petey’s gonna be confused as hell when he gets here, the poor kid. Dunno about Harls, though. That one’s a sleek motherfucker” He agreed, voice suspiciously proud.

The next ones to arrive to the common room were the Maximoff twins, and they appeared to be teasing one another in their mother language, Wanda slapping Pietro’s arm as she tried to keep a straight face. 

The witch was spotless, but then again, it wasn’t like they were expecting her to be affected by the curse, since she was technically dating a robot. No one knew how that worked and they didn’t wanna know either, thank you very much.

Pietro, on the other hand, sported purple splotches all over his face and hair, his white locks helping make the purple all the more obvious. He, like Clint, didn’t seem too bothered with it, smirking as he greeted the rest of the avengers with a cheerful tone, making his way towards Clint’s chair to plop down on his lap. 

“So. Which of you made this prank?” He inquired, thick accent shining through with every word.

“Ah. That’s exactly what we’re all wondering, too.” Sam replied, taking a bite from his donut.

“So far, all we know is that it might be some sort of curse, but we’re not sure what the point is, or who cast it. We believe it could’ve been the warlock we fought the other day. I bet he’s resentful of us, and he has his reasons to be.” Nat explained, standing up to start pacing around the room.

“Yeah, the bastard must be rotting away on some dark cell by now, so it wouldn’t come as a surprise if he decided to fuck us over one last time.” Tony deadpanned, sipping on his coffee. 

Steve has just opened his mouth in an attempt to voice his opinion when was interrupted by a cheerful “good morning, guys!” that could only come from one person.

“Pete! You’re here, we were wondering what was taking you so-.” Whatever Tony had been about to say got stuck on the way out of his mouth as it fell open, staring at his protege in disbelief (and slight horror). 

“I didn’t hear my alarm go off, Mister Stark! Must’ve been very tired from all my patrolling from last night. Hold on, is there something wrong?” The boy asked, cutting his rambling short to stare in shock at his mentor, who was still trying to form words.

And failing. 

“You might want to go check yourself in the mirror, Spidey.” Chirped Bucky, who wasn’t surprised at all with what he was seeing. It was _always_ the innocent looking ones.

“Now wait a goddamn minute. Tony, tell me you didn’t-.” Sam demanded, but Tony cut him off before he could finish his accusation.

“Hell, no! Who do you think i am? For God’s sake, those have to be Harley’s. Jesus Christ, I can’t believe him and Pete... I’m gonna have a very serious chat with those two as soon as they show up here.” Tony exclaimed, still unable to believe his eyes. 

And no one could blame him, because they were absolutely not ready for the sight the kid made. 

Honestly, he’d looked like a freaking Monet panting, his entire face, hair, neck, and hands stained in brightred, gold and silver. 

Even the inside of his mouth was covered in the same three colors, as they could all see when the kid smiled them good morning. 

A surprise indeed.

“Well, damn. Who would’ve thought sweet little Peter would be the worst out of all of us?” Clint said, earning himself an elbow on the ribs from Pietro, effectively shutting him up. 

“Goddammit, Barton, shut up. I’m having a hard enough time as it is.” Tony was pulling at his hair in frustration, definitely not ready for the knowledge the kid’s colorful persona brought with it. 

Those boys were like sons to him, for fuck’s sake. One never wanted to learn that kinda stuff about their kids if they could help it.

“Tony’s nervous breakdown aside, we really need to figure out a way to wash this off. As harmless as it seems, we can’t actually walk around looking like this.” Steve pointed out the obvious, and they all had to agree as they tried to come up with a way to undo the curse.

“Yeah, my man Barton over there looks like a mercurio bomb went off on him.” Bucky teased, watching Clint’s indignant expression with a smirk.

“Like you’re one to talk, Mr. Red White and Blue. Should we all just stare at you next time we sing the National Anthem now?” Bucky barked out a laugh at that, and Clint looked damn pleased with himself. 

“Alright guys, cut it off now. This is serious.” Steve intervened yet again, a frustrated frown forming on his face.

“Right. As far as we know, we are the only ones affected by it. The Avengers, that is. Do you think Thor might be-.” A loud crash cut her off, the God of Thunder making his entrance as if on cue. 

Apparently, he’d flown through one of the Tower’s windows, as he typically did. It never failed to startle them, though.

He was dragging Loki after him by a hand on the other god’s wrist, and while the blonde sported an amused smile on his handsome face, Loki looked like all he wanted to do was strangle someone. 

Nothing new, then. 

Except for the fact that both of them seemed to be affected by the curse as well, Thor’s beard stained with a suspiciously familiar emerald-green shade, while Loki looked like he’d came out of an ancient church’s vitraux, all bathed in gold. 

“Do any of you fools happen to know why we look like this?” The black haired god asked with as much dignity as he could muster, but everyone could see the way his cheeks shone a bright red, usually alert green eyes looking down at the floor like it was the most interesting thing he’d ever seen.

“Ah, Loki. Welcome, welcome. Want something to eat?” Tony mocked, earning himself a scowl from Loki, who just dusted off his tunic and sat down on a vacant chair, arms crossed in an angry manner.

“No, Stark. What i want is for you to tell me what in the world is going on here.” He demanded.

“Well, that’s what we’re trying to figure out, too. Yo, Thor, long time no see my man.” Clint greeted, standing up to bump fists with the smiling god. 

“Hello, my friends. I see you all seem to be affected by it, too. That’s a relief.” Thor said, moving to take a seat next to his scowling brother after waving everyone hello.

Steve was about to reply when he was interrupted again, this time by a smiling Harley, who’s messy hair indicated he was just out of bed.

“Mornin’ guys! What’s up?” He carelessly plopped down on the first chair he found, seemingly unaware of the dirty look his mentor was throwing his way.

“Hmm, hey buddy. You’ve got a little something right there.” Sam pointed out, trying really hard to contain his laughter as Harley shrugged and tried in vain to get rid of the red and blue stains that covered each and every one of his fingers.

“Yeah, man, tried to wash it off early, but it don’t seem to work. Anyone got a clue of what this is?” He inquired, once again oblivious to the dirty looks directed his way.

“You and me are going to have a  very serious conversation once we’re done here, young man. When were you planning to tell me about you and Peter, huh?” Tony finally exploded, pointing his index finger in Harley’s direction in an accusatory manner. 

“Oh! About that... yeah, Pete didn’t want everyone to know ‘bout us just yet. I think he was afraid of your reaction.” He explained, a fond look making itself present on his face as he mentioned the other boy.

Tony just nodded, letting it go for now. He settled his mouth on a thin line, though, making it clear that they were not done with this conversation. 

“So what’s up with the art festival?” Asked Harley, shoving French toast into his mouth.

“Well... we appear to be cursed. Remember that wannabe Voldemort we fought yesterday?” At Harley’s nod, Clint continued with his explanation. “We think he had something to do with this whole thing. Oh, and by the way, that’s cum. The stains, I mean.” Yeah, subtlety wasn’t exactly one Clint’s strong points and it showed.

“Holy shit! So this red ‘n blue all over my fingers is-.” 

“Yes! Yes, now shut up before i throw myself out that window without my suit.” Screamed Tony, glaring at the others when they laughed. 

Right as he said that, a very confused Peter Parker strutted back into the common room. 

“Hmm, guys?” He began, looking at the others for answers. 

“Why am i covered in paint? And why can’t i wash it off?” It was frankly adorable, how lost he was.

Tony groaned, dropping his head into his hands again as Sam rushed to explain the boy what the stains were, and where they’d came from. 

The kid’s face turned so red they’d thought he’d combust and die from mortification, so Harley got up to lead him out of the common room before anything of that nature could happen.

Smart boy. 

“That’s it, we’re calling Strange. If someone can undo this bullshit, it ought to be him.” Sam declared. 

Everyone voiced their approval, then, for it was truly the best way to get rid of anything that had to do with magic. 

Maybe some of them didn’t exactly get along with the Sorcerer Supreme (_yes, Tony, we’re all looking at you_) but he was undeniably the best chance they had at fixing this whole mess, so they gave him a call.

————————————————————————————————————————————

20 minutes, 3 shouting matches, and several death threats later, everyone was free from the curse. 

Strange hadn’t made it easy on them, agreeing to help but teasing the shit out of them in the process. In the end, everyone was too relieved to hold grudges, though.

“I gotta say, though, Tony: blue’s definitely not your color. Maybe try with more silver, next time.” The sorcerer smirked, snorting when Tony stood up to try and punch him.

“Son of a-” But before his first could collide with the other man’s body, he was gone in a flash of orange. 

Tony’s indignant scream and the way he stormed out of the room made everyone laugh again, as Steve got up from his seat to chase after him, muttering something about bratty husbands as he went. 

Needless to say, it was the last time any of them fought anything magic by themselves, collectively agreeing to call Strange beforehand so they could avoid something like this ever happening again.

They had enough trouble as it was, they didn’t need magic messing with them again, of all things. Specially not magic that was this revealing. 

Consider that a lesson learned.


End file.
